I should have warned you long ago, but how could I have done it, since I did not know then that I had something to warn you about. I feel a little warning is due now: I am an "unruly intellectual" who "backstabbed" the "national interests," or I''m one of those who have been labeled a "traitor."

I did nothing to deserve that label apart from saying "yes" to participating in a panel discussion organized by the three most prestigious universities of Turkey.

The discussion was a part of a three-day conference on "The Armenian Question." I know that the topic itself is sensitive, but nevertheless it has been tackled in many platforms by different scholars, and as is customary for us journalists, we have commented on the matter widely.

Believe me, even now I''m at a loss as to why my opinions are considered to be dangerous since I don''t know what I was going to say at that panel discussion. I always postpone planning my speeches until the last minute. Justice Minister Cemil Cicek seems to know me better than I know myself; he labelled myself and my "co-conspirators" as being a "back-stabbing bunch" in his speech to the Parliament. Sukru Elekdag, from the opposition Republican People''s (CHP) Party, also did not hesitate to call us "traitors."

I beg to differ. I have not betrayed my country, never intended to commit any kind of treason, yet here I am being portrayed as a traitor in the columns of some prominent papers. I have been bombarded with messages from people criticizing me for simply being amongst those who would give their opinions on a sensitive topic. Intellectuals, by definition, are duty-bound to raise any issues of importance and put them to discussion disregarding all hindrances; this is what I have always believed.

It has never been easy to discuss thorny issues in Turkey before readying yourself for the worst. We have put our intellectuals into prisons, forced some to take asylum abroad, and even those who recited poetry were not immune from prosecution. Prime Minister Tayyip Erdogan himself, who spent some time in jail, was a victim of our harsh methods of dealing with those who never bend in front of abject power. But to call more than 40 intellectuals "traitors" is too much for today''s Turkey.

Now the conference on "The Armenian Question" is out of the picture because it was postponed by the event''s venue, Bogazici University. The intellectuals, academics, researchers, and journalists who were supposed to take part in the conference have been left labelled as "traitors." In attending the conference, I was hoping to hear some of the best historians speaking on what happened at that historical moment in 1915, in order to make up my own mind. I now feel dismayed.

The only consolation in this depressing sequence of events is to receive positive after-shocks. Prime Minister Erdogan put distance between his government and Cicek. Erdogan denounced him when he replied to question on the matter by saying that Cicek''s outburst was his own opinion and did not represent that of the government. Parliament Speaker Bulent Arinc reproached the postponement of the event on the basis of "freedom of expression" during his visit to Washington, DC. The Board of Higher Education (YOK) initially supported Cicek''s criticism, although it has changed its position after having second thoughts on the matter.

So what really happened?

The powers that be in this country always look towards intellectuals with deep suspicion. They feel uncomfortable whenever they are not in their own territory, discussing issues with unfamiliar faces, getting unexpected reactions. From time immemorial, they, the powers that be, tend to breed their own coterie of trustworthy people to raise and discuss issues of high importance. They never let things go out of their control. Governments change, parties come and go, politician after politician takes central stage, but the official line is never broken. When we talk about "the continuity of state politics" in Turkey, we really mean it.

Of course I have my own opinion on the critical events which took place 90 years ago, but my approach to the issue is not to automatically side with this or that interpretation of the events. I feel deeply sorry for the loss of human life which occurred in that critical timeframe, regardless of the numbers. Whether the human life lost before and during the forced migration was only one person or one million people, a matter which does not concern me greatly, I would not feel relieved if only a limited number had died during that fateful period.

It might be terribly important how many men and women from each side lost their lives in 1915, who instigated the carnage, and who issued the instructions to that effect. Those are the areas into which historians should delve and I would like to hear their thoughts. My main approach to the matter is more compassionate and I think if we start discussing the issue using our hearts rather than logic, we would make headway in the issue''s resolution.

What happened in 1915 was probably the result of bullies from both sides who took advantage of the sorry state of the collapsing Ottoman Empire. I look at that period retrospectively and try not to hasten my judgment, but what happened in May 2005 is in my time and thus naturally it concerns me more. Furthermore, I am one of those who now bears the label "traitor," which makes the matter all the more vital to me.

I should have warned you about my treachery before, but as your humble columnist, I am sure you will forgive me.

From The New Anatolian, May 31, 2005